Lutheran Bible Ministries Bulletin Bloopers

The Importance of Proofing

~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."

~ It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

~ There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.

~ There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.

~ In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake

~ The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

~ The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

~ Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

~ The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

~ We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

~ Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.

Old Testament Bloopers

~ In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
~ Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
~ Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
~ Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
~ Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
~ The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
~ Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. ~ Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
~ Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
~ Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
~ The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
~ The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
~ The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
~ Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
~ The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
~ David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
~ Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Updated: Oct 2011

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